“I don’t want to run.”
“I never want to run.”
“At the rate at which I am running, why bother?”
“Might as well just walk back.”
“What’s the point anyway? ”
“I can’t seem to remember how to breathe.”
“That’s it, I am not going to run.”
The monkeys are quite adept at picking everything that is not right. I hear them and its easy to believe their nonsense.
Today was difficult. Just a 6k but it seemed like a trudge battling all the thoughts. Considering the gap, I shouldn’t be surprised at my time (41:16) but I want fast and I want it now. My head goes into overdrive thinking about how I will make up for lost time. These thoughts are my natural reactions. And the part that understands these irrationalities nods its head wondering when will it be natural to just see and be. I feel dismay and my pride takes a beating. I want all my runs to be effortless and feel like a breeze. Knocks like these are a good way to get back to the basics.
When I got past all the noise, I realized that I hadn’t slept much last night, around 3 odd hours. I haven’t been eating as much as I should have. Maybe I wasn’t drinking enough water too. Running gives me appetite and thirst, else I don’t need much.
I forget I only have the right to labor.
I forget that everything worth mastering takes time and patience.
I forget that I learn from every run, be it good, bad or ugly.
I forget to go back and see what worked and just repeat what I did.
I forget some of the best lessons have been from my flaws and failures.